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Long live the pumpkin king
I just realized something. Tomorrow... tomorrow marks the day that dickie will have been gone for 6 months. I just really can't help but thinking about him. His life and death really preocupy my mind most of the time. I don't... I don't know. I know I just talked about him recently, but...I don't know. It really hurts every time I think that he could be having a nice life and a good education. He was going to go to UNM where a good majority of his friends are, including all three of the people that were a part of the band he was in. I'm sure that he and Mike would be out LARPing right now... and if they weren't LARPing they'd be playing D&D or Warhammer, or he'd be jamming with somebody. Maybe he gets to start over in the afterlife. Maybe... maybe it's like starting over completely when you die. Maybe the spirit goes off to heaven or hell or wherever like a new born baby. Maybe it's like learning to walk, and learning to talk and being toilet trained all over again... and maybe it really is like we all percieve it and he just continues on, eternally 18 and doing whatever makes him happy.
I'm doing surprisingly well. Typing this just makes me hurt that much more, and I haven't started crying yet... but I'm sure it will come eventually. Most likely I'll be a ball of rage and depression tomorrow. Rage in knowing that he's been shuffled loose of the mortal coil far to early for anybody. Rage in thinking I could've done something to prevent this... and I could have. He told me... I was going to go play video games with Orland, and Dickie told me that he was going to go out rock climbing. I could've told him "no, it's too dangerous." or "why don't you come play video games with us instead?" I guess... I'm glad he did go. It is somewhat comforting knowing that... that he died having fun, and doing something he really enjoyed. I miss you Dickie.
I'm doing surprisingly well. Typing this just makes me hurt that much more, and I haven't started crying yet... but I'm sure it will come eventually. Most likely I'll be a ball of rage and depression tomorrow. Rage in knowing that he's been shuffled loose of the mortal coil far to early for anybody. Rage in thinking I could've done something to prevent this... and I could have. He told me... I was going to go play video games with Orland, and Dickie told me that he was going to go out rock climbing. I could've told him "no, it's too dangerous." or "why don't you come play video games with us instead?" I guess... I'm glad he did go. It is somewhat comforting knowing that... that he died having fun, and doing something he really enjoyed. I miss you Dickie.