I'm just a fuck up

[leujin]

My spirits are broken. I'm tired. I'm hungry. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I don't want to be here anymore. I hate it here. There's nothing here for me. I'm not cut out for school. I simply cannot do it. I didn't realize that I can't do it until just now. I can't. It's just a simple fact. I'm not cut out for school. I can't do it. I can't concentrate on my studies. I can't make anything work the way I want it to. I can't comprehend simple tasks that everybody else in class seems to be doing just fine with. This isn't for me. I don't know what I was thinking, trying to continue through college. I barely graduated from highschool, and a lot of that was just because I had really nice teachers. Not here. The teachers here are mean, vindictive, and I'm pretty sure that some of them were hired simply so that they could break the spirits of and weed out the weak people who can't handle it. They've succeeded. They're weeding me out. I'm done. I don't want to be here anymore. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. It's not for me. There's no conceivable way that I can get any sort of degree in art... or anything, for that matter. I'm doomed to work minimum wage jobs for the rest of my life. So be it. That's what I'm destined for. I'm not destined for a bigger, brighter future. Fuck that. I was raised to believe that I can be anything that I want, and you know what? That's bull shit. I can be anything that I want so long as it's an easy goal to attain. I'm weak. My spirits are broken. I can't go on with school anymore. That's it. I'm finished. I'm going home. I don't want to be here anymore. I can't. I simply can't. There's too much to distract an already scatterbrained individual. If I fail two classes this quarter I'm going to be kicked out anyway, and it's looking pretty strongly in the favor of that happening. I'm not cut out for this. I'm too weak. I just spent an hour crying in my room because I discovered I'm weak. I made one little fuck up on that stupid project of Martha's, and I know that one little thing is going to keep me from getting a pass grade on the assignment. She's one of the people hired simply to weed out the weak people. She's doing a hell of a good job at it. I can't do it. I'm tired. I'm hungry. I'm lonely. I want to go home. I don't want to be here anymore. I'm not acceptable here. They don't want my kind. I'm too easily distracted. I'm done. I'm telling my mom that I quit. I can't do it. I'm too weak. I'm too frail. I'm just plain incapable of doing this. I'm going home and I'm working at McDonald's. I don't care what I do anymore, as long as it doesn't require studying and hard work, because I CANNOT DO IT.

Comments

[grr-argh.livejournal.com]

Whatever happens, I'm here to support you 100%. I'd love you even if you DID have to work at McDonalds. However, I know what a wonderful person you are and I've seen what you can do and I think that you're selling yourself short due to some shitty teachers. I love you Nathan, and I know you can get through this. I'm gonna help you...

=[

[stelar-star.livejournal.com]

You know you might just want to take a break. It's rough, it sucks, but you CAN do it. Don't let stupid ass teachers make you feel worthless. You're good at art and you're an awesome person, and you can do this. Whatever you decide, just know that you can and you have awesome people helping you through it.

[chickyboo.livejournal.com]

Suck it up babe! Just get through the semester... Try working a minimum wage job this summer. See how gratifying it is. I guarantee that you will be back at school next semester.

What kind of life are you going to build for yourself if you're not working hard? You'll never have anything to be proud of. So get to it!

I really struggle with school too. Like, you have no clue... stick with it. 4 years of torture will make the rest of your life easier.

[leujin.livejournal.com]

3 years. No summer. The end.

[chickyboo.livejournal.com]

Sounds even better.

[useggi.livejournal.com]

yeah, you know what a caring, thoughtful person I am. you should have blocked this from me.

IF YOU DROP OUT OF THIS SCHOOL I SWEAR TO CHRIST I WILL BEAT THE MOTHER FUCKING SHIT OUT OF YOU. LIKE FUCK YOU CAN'T DO IT. IF I HAVE TO RIDE YOUR ASS TO DO YOUR WORK, I FUCKING WILL, BUT YOU ARE NOT DROPPING OUT THIS EARLY, I PROMISE YOU THAT. THEY LET SULLY STAY HERE, GODDAMNIT, THEY'LL LET YOU. YOUR ASS IS FINISHING OUT THIS YEAR. DROP TO AN ASSOCIATES, BECAUSE I DON'T GIVE A SHIT IF MARTHA MAKES YOU DO LINES IN BLOOD, THIS WILL NOT BE TOO HARD FOR YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT LETTING IT BEAT YOU. IT'S A SCHOOL. THESE ARE FACTS AND SKILLS TAUGHT BY PEOPLE WHO AREN'T MAKING IT IN THE REAL WORLD. THIS ISN'T A FUCKING GAUNTLET. IF I DROP OUT, FEEL FREE TO FOLLOW, BUT I AM FORCING YOU TO BE AS STRONG AS I AM, EVEN IF IT DRIVES YOU INSANE.

Now sit down, buck up, and you just fucking WAIT till I see you next, buddy.

[amy-ai.livejournal.com]

Heh. I quite love the above comment.

You're never going to succeed if you expect yourself to fail. Thats it. The end. If you tell yourself you're a horrible student and there's no way you're going to pass, you won't. and the converse is true. Thats all.