hormones are stupid

I'm a cranky, horny, bitchy, whiney, intolerant, tired, bored, boring, catatonic, acrophobic, duosylabic, hot, hungry, lost, confused, dazed, depressed, desensetized, monolythic, braised, brused, battered, chock-ful-o-nuts, insecure, overprotective, overlyparanoid, disoriented, disillusioned, misinformed, misanthropic, misdirected, anxious, hurt, lustfull, desirefull, cross-referenced, lonely, loserly, awestruck, greasy, gristly, grimy, gross, dirty, dependant, careless, demonic, demented, overdramatic, drastic, suicidal, homocidal, matricidal, regicidal, witless, half-witted, dull, drab, drastic, underaged, without-condoms, pretentious, expectant, monochromatic, not-quite-legal, fiendish, friendly, frantic, frenzied, unable-to-hold-back, dim-witted, dumb, moronic, nomadic, nonchalant VIRGIN.

That's all. I'm leaving now.

Remember?

Can't you make it better? No, of course you can't. You're powerless to help me. If I can't even help myself, how I can expect somebody else to do it for me? How can I expect anybody to help me? You just seem so far away and distant to me, it's hard to even acknowledge the fact that you even exhist. Sure, you've been my friend since probably before I was born, but I can't remember that. All I remember was bragging to my friends that I was potty trained. Do you remember that? Remember when I told you? I was so excited and you seemed to be the only person who cared. Now look! I seem to have completely lost sight of you. You used to be my best friend, but now I've traveled so far away, it's like I'm on a completely different planet.
You've changed, I've changed...we've all changed. They say that change is a good thing. I really don't think so. We used to be best friends. I'd tell you all my secrets and I'd come to you when I was scared of the monsters under my bed. Look at me now! I'm a high school graduate! I used to be that innocent little boy that you could pick up in your arms and hold and tell me that everything was going to be okay because no matter what you loved me. Do you remember? Do you remember that time I went out to play baseball and I made that home run? You were there, I saw you! You were up in the stands with everybody else, cheering me on as I ran the bases. Remember boy scouts? I went every day, and I was determined to get that eagle badge.
Now look at me. I wear dark clothing all the time, I'm chronically depressed, I smoke, I drink, I lie, I cheat, I steal. I claim so many things that were never true. Sure, I'm in a band, but even if we did finally get together and write some songs, how far would that take me? We'd probably get a record deal and then bust after our 3rd album because we aren't edge enough any more. The public needs to be shocked, and we just won't be that shocking. We'll have our MTV and our radio singles, and that's all we'll be. A memory and a faded glimpse. That can't happen though, remember? I'm invincible! I can do anything I want to! Remember when you used to tell me that? I'd be afraid and I'd come running to your arms, crying my eyes out, and you'd hug me tighter and say it was okay. What happened to those days? I used to love you, but now I'm not so sure anymore. You used to carry me on your shoulders and I'd always give you a bite of my macaroni and cheese, but those days are gone. Now I'd rather hang out with my friends and cause trouble. It seems like you abbandoned me, so I responded in kind by abbandoning you and saying that I hate you.
I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm sorry. I'm sorry I don't love you anymore, but you hurt me in a way that can't be healed. I hope you get this Dad, because I really miss you and the security you brought me, but you left me and said that you care more for someone else.

Love Nathan