number 8

Stupid society. Stupid Hollywood. Stupid mother. They're all making me think I'm doing something wrong, but I know it's right because it feels right. So why do I listen to these little voices in my head? I don't know. Maybe I'm just stupid. Maybe I'm just paranoid. Maybe I just have a stupid, overactive concioense that needs to shut the fuck up before I stab it out of my brain. I'm just tired, that's all. Tired of trying. Tired of all this pent up rage against everything that's hurt me in the past. Tired of doing something that I feel is so incredibly right, but then being shot in the face at the last minute by some new obsticle. I am so tired of this stupid piece of crap life that I have been thrown into against my own will.
I didn't want any of this. I feel so behind the game in so many aspects of my life that it's just not even remotely funny. We all know the major one, so I don't really need to go into that in great detail...but I talked with Liz about this last night, and we figured out that it really is just all in my head. I'm basically just being fooled by all those voices (society, etc.) to believe that I should've been there by now. They've fooled me into believeing that I'm way far behind and that I must be doing something wrong. However, since we've figured that out, there's a whole lot less stress and pressure on me. I don't feel like I HAVE to do it, but I still feel like I really want to. It's just...okay, I don't really feel like getting into the intimate details of my love/sex life, but what I'm trying to say is that I really feel like...y'know, she's it. That's the end. My search is over. Y'know, that kind of thing.
I don't know, maybe I'm just being stupid again, but we'll see...Peace, Love, Happiness, Equality