(no subject)

This is really not the way I want to tell people, but... unfortunately I'm emotionally and physically exhausted from this entire day. I hate this day, so much. I would love to call each and everyone of you and tell you, so you can hear my voice and not just ... read it.

Enough stalling... Adrian died this morning.

I still can't even wrap my head around that phrase, and we've had about 14 hours to let it sink in.

This sucks.

I mean... my mom said he was bad. I really didn't understand the gravity of the situation. Honestly if I had known I would have come out a week earlier.

We got here Thursday evening and he seemed relatively alert. I said "Hi, Adrian," a few times and he opened his eyes and said "Hi, Nathan," so I know he knew we were here.

Liz and I thought it was just another trip to Los Alamos, and we would be playing games and joking with Adrian... I think... that's what really hit me. He usually has some snide quip or some insulting thing to say, but he barely even looked at me when I walked through the door.

We brought gifts. We gave him a chess set from Cozumel, and he looked at all the pieces (well... I took them out of the box and showed them to him, but he responded) and said "Thank you!" Not really enthusiastic thank you, but a thank you none the less.

Friday was really bad. He hardly responded to my mom even. He just kind of lay there in the chair. He would open his eyes every once in awhile and say something. Most times it was completely incoherent babble. Apparently his liver failed and the toxins were seeping into his brain. It's exactly the same thing that happened with Odin, only it seemed to affect Adrian's speech whereas with Odin it affected his motor skills. We had about 8,000 people in the house yesterday.

Today... I don't know. I just keep thinking that... *sigh* we stopped for breakfast and if we had been 10 minutes later we would have missed him.

I mean... I don't know. Everybody and their dog came over. Adrian has so much family on his dad's side, and they all came to see him. I had to call his step-mom and tell her, because my mom was just a complete wreck, and we had to get his dad to Adrian a.s.a.p. Forrest called my aunt. I called and talked to a few people (Sara, Peter, J.P., thanks for just listening... I appreciate it, even though there wasn't a lot of talking on my end). There were a lot of people that really cared for him. I can't even put into words how much this sucks and how much I'm going to miss him.

We're all just wandering around like pod people at this point. Our lives seem empty.

We bought a star and named it for him. My mom is going to get the certificate and star chart on Tuesday in the mail, and we got a second certificate for his dad. My mom really appreciated it.

The funeral is going to be either Thursday or Friday. We're finding out what works for Jeff (Chloe's dad)'s family.

Thanks for the big middle finger, life.
I owe you one.