More adventures in the ER
May. 16th, 2009 09:27 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
leujinGuess what, anyone? I get to take prescribed vicodin! Hooray! Why? Well, the short version is that I have an ouchie in my junk. It pretty much is the result of a very concentrated groin pull. There's a long version, but it's unpleasant and features much medical description.
About Tuesday I started feeling really searing pain in my left testicle. I couldn't figure it out, I just knew that it really REALLY hurt to do anything but sit. This pain continued until yesterday (it still hurts a little, but that's because I'm not drugged yet). I tried everything: ice, hot bath, apply pressure at the base, all to no avail. The pain wasn't getting worse, but it certainly wasn't getting better.
Finally, yesterday, Liz convinced me it was time to go to the ER. First we stopped at Urgent Care, because generally they're cheaper and faster. Unfortunately they couldn't really help. The PA came in and was like "okay, testicular pain could be anything: a hernia, torsion, cancer, etc. Unfortunately we would need to do an ultra sound, and we don't have the equipment." I was mad that they wasted my time when I put on the form "TESTICULAR PAIN" and I was going to now have to pay for no service. Luckily we didn't have to pay, but I was still annoyed.
Off to the ER we went! The closest one is in a skeevy part of town. We got there and there were about a dozen people, and they all looked kinda grungy (but, what do I know? We look grungy, too). We got there at 7:00. I didn't get into the doctor until 10:15. What a pain in the ass lame night. They poked and prodded, it hurt and I wanted to kill them, they asked a basic set of questions. Thank God they didn't make me do a chlamydia test again, but I'm pretty sure it's because Liz was there and we were like "yeah, we're married. Solo sexual partners, thanks."
Got ultrasound. Hurt a lot on the left gonad. Was generally unpleasant. Long about midnight I get wheeled back to my room, doctor comes in and says "okay, it's not torsion or cancer, so you don't have to have surgery. What you have is what's called a bag of worms (that's actually what he called it, most of this is just paraphrasing). Swollen veins in your testicle, pulled it, sucks to be you. Take some pain meds, go see a urologist in a couple of days. Oh, and no sex for two months. HA HA JUST KIDDING!!" Piece of advice: don't be a funny doctor when you're giving diagnoses and prognoses. People will take you seriously.
I want my drugs now.
About Tuesday I started feeling really searing pain in my left testicle. I couldn't figure it out, I just knew that it really REALLY hurt to do anything but sit. This pain continued until yesterday (it still hurts a little, but that's because I'm not drugged yet). I tried everything: ice, hot bath, apply pressure at the base, all to no avail. The pain wasn't getting worse, but it certainly wasn't getting better.
Finally, yesterday, Liz convinced me it was time to go to the ER. First we stopped at Urgent Care, because generally they're cheaper and faster. Unfortunately they couldn't really help. The PA came in and was like "okay, testicular pain could be anything: a hernia, torsion, cancer, etc. Unfortunately we would need to do an ultra sound, and we don't have the equipment." I was mad that they wasted my time when I put on the form "TESTICULAR PAIN" and I was going to now have to pay for no service. Luckily we didn't have to pay, but I was still annoyed.
Off to the ER we went! The closest one is in a skeevy part of town. We got there and there were about a dozen people, and they all looked kinda grungy (but, what do I know? We look grungy, too). We got there at 7:00. I didn't get into the doctor until 10:15. What a pain in the ass lame night. They poked and prodded, it hurt and I wanted to kill them, they asked a basic set of questions. Thank God they didn't make me do a chlamydia test again, but I'm pretty sure it's because Liz was there and we were like "yeah, we're married. Solo sexual partners, thanks."
Got ultrasound. Hurt a lot on the left gonad. Was generally unpleasant. Long about midnight I get wheeled back to my room, doctor comes in and says "okay, it's not torsion or cancer, so you don't have to have surgery. What you have is what's called a bag of worms (that's actually what he called it, most of this is just paraphrasing). Swollen veins in your testicle, pulled it, sucks to be you. Take some pain meds, go see a urologist in a couple of days. Oh, and no sex for two months. HA HA JUST KIDDING!!" Piece of advice: don't be a funny doctor when you're giving diagnoses and prognoses. People will take you seriously.
I want my drugs now.
